The Bakers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

*Disclaimer: This story is completely true and happened about a month ago.  It is not fabricated or elaborated upon.

When we went to bed last night, we were expecting a good nights sleep, but when we woke up this morning, we wondered if we'd even gone to bed.  The sometimes-amazing-usually-decent-sleeper was sick with a fever and was up every. Stinking. Hour.  The toddler played his normal game and climbed in bed with us at one point.  And we had a new puppy that needed to go to the bathroom. A lot.

So then the husband went to work and I (Mama) was left alone with a screaming, unhappy baby, a high energy little boy, and a brand new, not-potty-trained puppy.  

I tried to give the baby a bath to cool her fever down, but the cold water just got her mad.  I hate screaming.  And then I went to get her dressed again and the boy said "I stepped in poop", and apparently the puppy had had an accident and Miles had stepped right in it.  I hate poop.  And the baby was still crying.  I hate crying.  Finally the puppy was put in a box, because I couldn't find the dog crate and couldn't handle her anymore.  But then she chewed a hole through it and ran downstairs and peed.  I hate dog pee.

I had to take the baby to the doctor and had no time to look for the puppy crate, so I locked the puppy in the laundry room with the box pushed against the baby gate at the top of the stairs.  The doctor said that Nora had an ear and eye infection.  Her eyes were crusty, her ears were hurting, and she was just plain unhappy.  

So then we ran into Walmart for puppy toys to kill time until the baby's antibiotics were ready.  Only, when we came out, the pharmacy still didn't have it ready, and I had to call the doctors office.  Again. 

And then I decided to go home, only to find the husband upset because the dog had pushed the box aside, squeezed through the baby gate, and ran downstairs and pooped and peed and ripped stuff up.  So I promptly found the crate.  

And the husband was even more grouchy because he had had a bad day at work and had to break up a fight.  Between grown men.

We had words.  But then we apologized and all drove into town for medicine and carpet remover and greasy fast food.  And Miles almost had an accident in the car, but thankfully he made it. 

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  My mom says that all moms have them.  Do you? 

I'm So Glad You Don't

Some people criticize Valentine's Day for its materialism and its promotion of the idea that chocolates and flowers one day a year are enough to keep a relationship strong.  I get their reasoning, I really do.  But you have always felt that Valentine's Day was one of many opportunities to rekindle romance, and to proclaim your love for me.  I'm so glad you feel that way.  

I remember the heart ache that Valentine's Day used to bring.  "Single's Awareness Day" it really was, for I was painfully aware of my singleness.  No matter how hard I tried, each Valentine's that passed only seemed to stir up feelings and aching that could not be fulfilled.

And then you came into my life, soft yet startling.  Soft because it took a little while for us to actually get together.  Startling because I knew pretty early on that you were the one, and I didn't know how I could possibly know that about someone that I barely knew...or that may not even reciprocate my feelings.  But somehow I did know.

Our first Valentine's Day together we weren't even a "Facebook official" couple.  You bought me roses and we went on a double date with your parents to a quaint little Italian place.  The wait for dinner was a little long, so we made a quick trip to the McDonalds across the street while we waited.  You bought me a hot chocolate and we sat next to each other on the cold, hard fast food booth.  And I remember feeling so thrilled inside.  For once, I wasn't alone on Valentine's Day...for once, I had a guy to take me out and pay for my drink.  The fact that I was so crazy about you made it all the sweeter.

I realized today that this approaching Valentine's Day will be our 7th together.  Each one spent together a changing reflection of where we were in life.  There was the one where we were engaged and went back to that same Italian restaurant together before heading to premarital counseling.  Then there was our first as a newlywed couple, where I scrimped and saved to buy a steak to cook, only to have to keep it warm for hours as you unexpectedly had to work late.  There was the time we got to take a special weekend getaway, and there was the time that we merely went out to dinner.  Work, pregnancy, children, buying businesses...our Valentine's Days saw it all.

Yet, in each one of them, you made me feel special and loved.  It didn't matter the trials and struggles we had been through in the previous year.  It didn't matter how we or our family had changed.  There was always something special, always chocolate, and there was always you.

I'd still love you even if you forgot about Valentine's Day every year...but I'm so glad you don't. 

In Search of a Spouse: Before You Go Looking

With as many single friends and family members as my husband and I have, we’ve been thinking back on our own single and dating years a lot.  We’ve talked about the things that we think we did right, and we’ve discussed the things that we wish we had done differently.  It’s funnier how much clearer things are now.

We both firmly feel that, before you ever go looking for a spouse, you need to sit down and figure out who you are and what you believe.  Here are some steps you can take to do that: 

1. Figure out what your core convictions are.  What are the things that you believe that there is no compromising on.  These are the “big deal” things.  These can be broad (such as that Jesus Christ died for the sins of all), or minute (such as the King James Version is the only accurate current English version).  They can also be about doctrine or about lifestyle.  For instance, being a strict Calvinist relates more to your religious walk, whereas how women should dress is related more to day-to-day living.  Whatever the case, these are things that you will not compromise or be swayed on.  Your spouse will either have to agree with you or compromise themselves.  

2. Figure out what you believe that is open to compromise.  For instance, you may think that all moms should be stay-at-home moms, but it’s more of a preference than a conviction.  This is a “not so big of a deal” thing.  Again, these can be broad, minute, doctrinal, or related to lifestyle.   

3. Analyze your lists.

-How long are your lists?  Ideally, your core convictions should be much shorter than your “not so big of a deal” list.  If it’s not, then you need to figure out why.  You are either a.) Very, very firmly convicted, b.) Legalistic, or C.) Too set in your ways.  Conversely, if you have hardly any core convictions, why is that?  Have you really had the time to sit down and figure out what you believe? 

-Why are these your convictions?  Think about your core convictions especially…why are these so important to you?  If you believe all women should wear skirts, or that Christians should never drink alcohol, why is that?  Do your convictions actually come from fervent prayer and searching of the scripture, pressuring parents, or being too steeped in legalism?

4. Keep those lists with you.  As you go looking for a spouse, use these lists as a guide.  Keep them in the back of your mind as you evaluate 

Look for some more thoughts on finding a spouse from my husband and I soon!

9 Reasons Why I’m Glad I Married Young

When you marry young, a certain stigma hangs over your head.  People seem to be just waiting for you to have troubles and split, or at least regret your “rash” decision.  Getting married young can be incredibly hard and frustrating, but it can also be wonderfully sweet.   

I have a lot of friends who are older and single who no longer have any hope of marrying young.  This post is not for them.  It’s for those whom God did call to marry young, and for those who are contemplating it.  It’s for those who question the wiseness of marrying young.  It’s for my husband, my best friend, the man I want to grow old with.  It’s also, in many ways, for myself.

So, without further ado, here are the 9 reasons why I’m glad I married young:

1. We get to grow up together.  Notice I say “get to” instead of “got to”.  We’re still growing up and maturing.  God is still molding us into the man and woman He has created us to be.  The best part is that we get to go through this process together, while making sure that we grow together instead of apart.

2. We weren’t set in our ways.  We didn’t have a lot of time to get set in our ways.  I didn’t have an opinion on what brand of toothpaste was best, and he didn’t have an unchangeable Saturday morning routine.  Granted, we each came into marriage with our own set of opinions and methods, but we’ve also had more of an opportunity to develop habits together.

3. I didn’t have to discover who God created me to be alone.  I’m not the same young woman I was when I got married, nor am I the woman that I thought I would be back then.  The past four years I’ve gone through a lot of self-discovery and growth.  If anything, my husband has furthered this growth as he’s encouraged me to stretch myself, challenged my thinking, and supported me in my pursuits.  He gives me the freedom to become the woman God created me to be, but I haven’t had to do it alone.  He’s been by my side every step of the way.

4. We rely on each other.  When I got married, I had never lived outside of my parents home.  One week after our wedding day, I found my naive newlywed self one thousand miles away in a completely new place.  We didn’t have many friends, and we had to rely on each other for everything.  We also had to learn to depend on each other financially.  We didn’t start out with firm career paths and tons of savings in the bank.  We were both still in school and had next to nothing.  Any worldly success we’ve had since then has been completely dependent on our marriage and on each other.

5. We fit in better with the culture we live in. God chose to plant us in a place where marrying young is the norm instead of the exception.  In our circles, we are far from being the youngest to get married, or even the youngest to have a baby.  I believe God knew that when he put us together.  My husband and I feel more able to reach those in the community because we can relate to the many who married young as well. 

6. We had the opportunity to start a family young.  We waited a year and a half before feeling God leading us to try for a baby, and we’d been married over two years before Miles was born.  Not a long stretch of time by any means, but we still had a good chunk of time to ourselves.  The great thing about having married young, however, was that we were still very young when we became parents.  We appreciate the extra energy that comes with youth…and we also look forward to being young empty-nesters and still having the energy to travel and explore.

7. The sexual freedom. I won’t go into a lot of detail here.  Suffice it to say, sex within the bonds of marriage is a very beautiful and freeing thing.  We didn’t have to wait a long time to experience that.  Not that marriage is a cure-all for sexual struggles, nor is married sex the hot-and-steamy passion it is depicted in movies and books.  Yet, sex within marriage can be unbelievably fulfilling, especially when you've gone from the tension of “waiting” and not crossing a line, even though you really want to.  Having the freedom to enjoy all that God created sex to be is incredibly liberating.  

8. Marriage is fun.  Marriage is a lot of work, and it’s far from easy.  It can also be really fun.  Enjoying life with the person who knows you better than anyone else is an unfathomable blessing.  Laughing together, doing spontaneous things, fixing up your house, not being afraid to be yourself...need I say more?  

9. More time with my soul mate. Life is short and goes by all too quickly.  You never know what day will be your last.  I don't have any clue what the future may bring, but I’m so thankful for these extra years I’ve had with my man.  I'm so glad that I didn't wait to marry him.

Getting married young has had its challenges, but I don’t regret it for one single minute.  I know without a doubt that I married the man God created for me, and I’m so glad that I didn’t put off the wonderful blessing that marriage is and has been because of my age, or because I hadn’t yet “experienced” the world.  Yes, I was young and unsure of myself, but marriage has not stifled my growth.  Far from it.  Marriage has been the best and sweetest adventure I’ve ever known.  I’m so glad I was young when I embarked upon it.

When You Marry Young

When you’re a young bride like I was, you get a pretty large dose of concerned advice about how you’re too young to be getting married.  You’re told that you don’t know who you are yet, and that you haven’t experienced enough of the world.  As that young bride, you defend your decision fervently.  You believe that you’re just more mature than the rest of the world, and that you already know who you are. 

The truth is, however, that those people were right.  I was very young to be getting married and I didn’t fully know who I was.  In the four years since getting married, I’ve grown and changed in so many ways.  I am certainly not the same innocent bride.    

For many young married couples, this growing and changing spells disaster for their marriage.  As they grow, they grow apart.  They end the marriage or decide to stick it out even though both are miserably unhappy. 

Andy and I have certainly had our fair share of fights, struggles, and times of distance.  Yet, when it comes down to it I still wake up each morning amazed by how right we are for each other.  We have both shifted and changed, and yet our life visions remain unified. 

I’ve come to realize that this is in large part due to Andy.  He has given me the freedom to grow and explore my passions and interests and has daily chosen to embrace who I am and who I am becoming.  He compromises and gives me room to grow, and I am so thankful for that.  With a different man, I would have become stifled and bitter, never feeling like I could be free to develop and blossom into the woman God intended me to be.

You see, when you marry young you will without a doubt change and grow.  Over the years you and your spouse will either grow together or apart.  If you and/or your spouse choose to be autonomous in your growth, never giving or compromising, then you will grow apart.  If you and your spouse choose to give each other room to grow, and give 100% to your marriage, letting compromise reign, you will grow together and your marriage will thrive. 

I’m so thankful for this man of mine who pushes me out of my comfort zone, challenges me to think deeper, encourages me to write, and supports me in my sometimes-out-there interests.  Marrying young could have spelled disaster to my naive young self.  Yet, because I married a man who gives and compromises and gives some more, I have thrived.   The longer we're married, the more I realize what a treasure that is.

Finding Yourself in Motherhood

Four days after my son was born, I bawled like a baby as I heard the little cry start again.  It was 3 am, I was utterly exhausted, and this was the fourth time I had tried to lay my new son down and slip into bed.  Thirty minutes later, I fell asleep with him draped across my chest…something I vowed to never do…something the pediatrician who had checked him out in the hospital had told me to never, ever do.  As I slipped into sleep I cried again, feeling like a failure as a mom. 
I’d always wanted to be a mother.  I was pretty sure that, when the time came, I would know exactly what I was doing and that motherhood would come naturally to me.  I was so wrong.
Sure, I had those amazing feelings of love you always hear about.  Changing dirty diapers didn’t make me cringe a bit.  Once the struggle of the first tough month was over, I even enjoyed nursing.  What I wasn’t prepared for were the feelings of inadequacy and uselessness.  My filthy house, dirty dishes stacked high, and inability to get one decent meal on the table made me feel completely incapable as a house wife.  The fact that my son was not a “typical” newborn (as I thought he should be) made me feel out-of-control.  My exhausted frustration at my son when he would scream for hours every night from colic made me feel like a terrible mom.  Most of all, though, I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything all day.  I struggled with feeling a sense of purpose.
I knew that taking care of my son was my purpose for this season of life, but there was a disconnect between knowing that and feeling it in my heart.  I knew I was doing something very worthwhile and purposeful, but most days I felt like I was just treading water.  The problem was that, deep down, I wasn’t just a milk-producing, diaper changing, baby holding robot…there was a very real and individual person just dying to be let out!  The challenge in any change of seasons is finding the balance between who you are as a person and the tasks God has put before you for today. 
For me, finding this balance meant two things.  The first was that I had to change.  I had to let go of my need for control and desire to do things the “right” way and instead be flexible and learn to be the mom my son needed…not the mom I wanted to be.  Anytime God refines us, the process is far from easy and painless.  There were days that I despised the new mom posting on Facebook asking for ideas of things to do because her baby was so easy and she was bored.  Yet, I have come to realize that God gave me Miles with all of his out-of-the-boxness so that He could mold me and force me to let go of my controlling tendencies.  He gave me a very real little individual so that He could change my individual self.
Finding the balance for me also meant fusing who I was as a person with the role of mother.  Again, this isn’t an easy process.  I have come to believe that, in any season or role we find ourselves in, our personality should still shine and show through.  I don’t parent the same as any other mom because I am not any other mom.  I am a tea-drinking, outdoor-loving, greenthumb-wannabe who loves traveling and good food.  Consequently, my son spends a lot of time outdoors, is well acquainted with garden tools, has traveled more than most people will in a lifetime, and will eat just about anything…including spicy food or strong-flavored ethnic cuisine.  He is his own person, but his daily life is the way it is mostly because of who I am as a person.  God placed Miles in my care because He knew that the mama I am is the mama Miles needed.   
As I approach my two-year anniversary of being a mother, I’ve gotten into a better groove.  I have a system down for at least keeping the house manageably clean.  We do eat a home-cooked meal most nights, even if it was something I stuck in the freezer two weeks ago and just dumped in the crockpot that morning.  I already have long lists of freezer meals to assemble and preparations to make for whenever Baby Baker #2 decides to enter our home, knowing very keenly how needed those will be.  I feel very purposeful as I order our home, chase my toddler around, and reach out to other moms in our community. 
I am not the same person I was before my son was born.  And yet, I am more than just a mother.  I am Caitlin Baker, wife, mom, homemaker, and very real person…something that brings me very great joy.    

Twenty-five

Twenty-five.  Five fives.  A quarter of a century. 
Today my parents celebrate twenty-five years of marriage.  To some that may seem insignificant, but in this day and age it’s a sign of dedication, commitment, steadfastness, and love.  My parents have stuck together through thick and thin, good times and bad times, busy times and quiet times.  Through twenty-five years they’ve come out stronger, happier, and more in love than ever.
I’m so thankful for those years.  I’m thankful for the times I saw them argue, so that I could see what it means to reconcile and make up.  I’m thankful for the times I saw them sneak a kiss, so that I would know that the fire doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) die.  I’m thankful for the times they laughed together, so that I would understand that humor and real life should be intertwined.  I’m thankful for the times that they traveled with us, so that our eyes would be opened to learning and the world around us.  I’m thankful for them taking us to church every Sunday, that we might know what the body of Christ is.  I’m thankful for the times they loved us and showed us mercy and forgiveness, that we might understand the heart of God more fully.  I’m thankful for the times I saw them pray and read the Bible together, so that we might Who must be the center of all relationships. 
I’m thankful for them portraying marriage as a beautiful, messy, hard, wonderful gift from the Lord.  I know that I would not have the fulfilling;oarriage I have today if it wasn’t for their example and their witness. 
Happy 25th Anniversary, Mom and Dad!!!  I am so, SO proud to have you as my parents!

Fight on Aisle Nine!

We were in the tile aisle of Home Depot.  Miles was cheerfully chattering in the shopping cart seat, whilst Andy and I looked at tile for a project.  No arguing.  Just discussion and dreaming.

As Andy made notes of prices, it suddenly hit me that we had been here before.  In this very aisle.  Picking out tile.  It was about a year and a half ago and we were deciding on tile for the backsplash in our kitchen.  Unlike today, we were not in a good mood.  Andy and I had completely different opinions on what tile would look good, and our disagreement turned into a full-blown fight.  We left that day empty-handed, both hurt and angry.  Yet, here we were, almost two years later, picking out tile without anger.  We didn’t always agree, but we were working it out peacefully and, strangely enough, happily.

I thought for a minute about how remodeling a house together is really strengthening for a marriage.  After all, it was through our remodeling projects that we learned to work together and make decisions without everything blowing up into huge fights.  We’ve even learned how to have fun making decisions together. 

Yet, I know that remodeling a house, like any challenge that comes into a marriage, can also bring nothing but grief and heartache.  You see, our marriages will not be free of hard times, trials, and tests.  What I’ve come to realize, however, is that the marriages that last are those that are made stronger not just despite the challenges, but through them.

I took a picture of my husband in that tile aisle.  I didn’t want to remember that big fight, necessarily, but I did want to remember how far we’ve come since then.  It’s hard to see where time and tests will take you, but looking back it all becomes very clear. 

We still have our fights.  Usually about dumb things that get blown way out of proportion.  Pride, hormones, and words that shouldn’t have been said usually play a part.  Thankfully, however, I know that these fights will not be the downfall of our marriage.  I also know that we will never again argue in that tile aisle.

By the grace of God, we’ve learned to compromise.  We’ve learned to listen to each other’s opinions and disagree without hurting or degrading.  We’ve learned that the end result is much more fun when we dream, plan, and work together…when we let God use the hard times to refine us and make our marriage ultimately stronger.

We all have a choice.  Will you let the hard times, the trials, and the challenges divide you as a couple?  Instead, I challenge you to join us on the journey the opposite direction.  I challenge you to lay everything at the feet of He who is more than able, and let Him make something beautiful out of the brokenness.   

Dear Single Girl,

Dear Single Girl,

I was having a discussion with a dear friend the other day.  She just so happens to be single.  We talked about men, standards, commitment, etc.  After talking to her, I sat pondering what had been said for hours.

I've been married now a whole two and a half years (I know, forever right? ;) ).  My husband and I have gone through moves, remodeling, trips, having a baby, and so much more in our marriage.  Yet, I really mean it when I say that I am happier now than I even was as a newlywed.  Marriage is an amazing thing, and, if you work at it, it just gets better-and-better.

In fact, I love marriage so much that I want to see everyone get married!  The problem is, that I see a lot of girls still searching.  Often, they are either suffering from a shortage of godly men, setting their standards too high, setting the wrong standards, afraid of commitment themselves, or simply looking in the wrong places.

I wanted to share with you what I've learned really matters in a marriage and in a man.  So, here goes...

Look for a man, not a boy.  There are plenty of boys in this world, but there is a startling lack of real men.  A man acts like one.  He's not afraid of responsibility.  In fact, he relishes it.

Look for someone who doesn't just talk about the Bible...he lives it. Very few real men have time to sit and talk about the Bible all day.  Sorry, but it's true.  They're too busy being faithful in the daily work God has called them to.

Look for someone who is a hard worker.  That kind of man will never let you or your kids starve.  That kind of man will stick with anything, even when it's hard or mundane.

Look for someone who values marriage and wants to get married. 

Look for someone who's mad about you.

Look for someone you can play with.  A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone you don't enjoy being with.

Look for someone who cherishes children.  That's the kind of man that will make a good dad someday.

Look for a good man, not a perfect one.  A good man makes a perfect husband.  He doesn't have to be always kind, thoughtful, or romantic...but he does need to be faithful, true, and just.

Look for someone who doesn't squander money.  He doesn't have to be the saver of the century, but he should know where his money his going and not be wasting it on frivolous things!

Look for a man you can follow.  Make sure you would follow him wherever God leads, whether that be to the ends of the earth or a common life down the street.

Look for a man you're attracted to.  They don't have to be the hunk of the century (and, lets face it, they won't be that hunk thirty years from now), but attraction is still important.

Look for someone you admire.  

Most importantly, look for a man you can love...and who's worth the effort to keep your love from growing cold.  Marriage is full of blessings, but it's also full of work.  Only marry someone who is worthy of both.

Remember, God is writing you a love story beyond your wildest dreams...don't get in His way. ;)

Blessings,

Caitlin

The Problem with Marriages

In honor of our second anniversary this week, I thought I'd share with you something that's been on my heart a lot lately regarding marriage.  I am incredibly thankful to have a wonderful marriage with Andy.  However, it is by no means perfect.  We still struggle at times, fight over the smallest piddly thing, and have to work through things.  Also, what I'm about to say may be offensive to some.  If it is, please know I don't mean to offend anyone.  These are just my honest thoughts...take it or leave it at that.  So, that's my disclaimer.

That being said, I think it's very alarming and disheartening that divorce is on the rise, especially in the church.  I've seen couples in conservative churches attend church together, get divorced, and then continue to attend the same church...and nobody says anything.  I don't know the details or the background or who knows what or what others have said privately.  All I know is that it makes me very uncomfortable that divorce is just accepted.  

Andy and I were both raised with the mindset that divorce is not an option.  Our parents have come from broken homes, and divorce is rampant.  Our parents all started out with somewhat rocky marriages with issues that they had to work through, and yet they stuck it out and stayed together.  Today both marriages are happy, healthy, and incredibly strong.  I'm so thankful to have these influences in our own marriage.  When Andy and I got married, it was with the understanding that it was for a lifetime.  There was no disclaimer, no pre-nup, no "way out".  We were entering into this together and we were going to stick it out together...no matter what.

So why are so many Christian marriages crumbling and falling apart?  Aren't these people entering into marriage with the same commitment and resolve?  Anymore, I'm not so sure.

As a woman, I want to speak for the ladies here.  I think that a huge issue in our marriages is that we feel we have the "right" to certain treatment, love, and respect.  Think about it: how many times have you heard women complain about their husband's in some way?  "My husband is at work all the time".  "He doesn't care about my feelings."  "I never get romanced anymore."  "My husband never helps at home...he just sits on the couch and watches football."  Aren't these all common to hear?

Or, it could be more grievous, such as emotional and verbal abuse, an addiction (to alcohol, pornography, etc.), or adultery.  (Let me step in here right now and say, I am by no means condoning staying with a man who is physically abusive.  If you are in such a relationship, you need to get out and seek help NOW!!!)  The point is, all of these "issues" with our husbands really point back to us and our desires, needs, and "rights".

In a healthy marriage, the wife is loved, cherished, and respected...highly.  However, if we don't receive this, does that somehow give us the grounds to leave our husbands and seek a divorce?  How is that in any way Biblical?  Sure, Moses allowed for a divorce on the grounds of adultery.  Yet, Jesus "stirred the pot" up, so-to-speak, in Matthew 19:4-9:

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” 


Yes, divorce on the grounds of adultery is allowable...but is it the best way?  (And, notice, adultery was the only grounds...not disrespect, not being treated right, etc.)

As Christians, we are called to lay down our lives, take up the cross, and follow Jesus.  Our "rights" become forfeit for the sake of the gospel.  We are called to bring the good news to everyone, at the risk of persecution, loss of possessions, and even death.  Where are our "rights" then?  


Paul instructed those married to an unbeliever to stay with them, unless their spouse wanted to leave.  Do you think that came with the disclaimer of "unless you are mistreated or don't receive the respect and love you deserve"?  No way!!!  Peter told wives to submit their their husbands, even if they weren't following the Word.  Why?  Because, in staying in a marriage, forfeiting her "rights", and submitting to a perhaps tyrannical husband, a woman is exhibiting what it means to be like Christ.  She is glorifying God and furthering the gospel by letting Christ live in her and through her.


Let me end with a story that has impacted me in this area perhaps more than anything else.  We had some family friends who were struggling in their marriage.  The wife was a God-honoring and following woman and the husband was not.  He finally revealed that he had had multiple affairs on her.  They were separated for awhile, and then something miraculous happened: God got a hold of the husband's heart.  He went to his wife and asked her forgiveness, saying he wanted to make things right.

Now, by all accounts, the wife had every right to seek a divorce, even biblically.  Furthermore, why should she believe him now when he'd lied so many times before?  Taking him back would be just setting herself up for further heartbreak...needless heartbreak.  I honestly think most Christian women in the church would have counseled her to divorce him and move on.  But here's the thing: she didn't do that.  She took him back, they sought counseling, and now their marriage is stronger than it's ever been.    


Isn't that an amazing picture of what it means to lay down our own lives for the sake of Christ?  I know it is for me.

I can't begin to fathom what it would be like to have your husband cheat on you.  I can't even speak for every marital situation, as to whether the wife should stick it out or move on.  What I can tell you is that we give up to easily.  We focus so much on ourselves and our needs...emphasizing how our spouse is not meeting them.  In reality, our spouse can never be the one to meet all of our needs...only God can.  Until we realize this, our marriages will continue to crash and burn.

It's time to start rising up and fight for our marriages.  Satan knows that if he can kill our marriages, then he can kill our influence and our work for Christ.  Do you want to continue worrying about your spouse's actions or treatment of you...or do you want to lay your "rights" aside and fight Satan's schemes by fighting for your marriage?

I for one, am choosing to fight.  

Love is a shelter in a raging storm,

Love is peace in the middle of a war,

And if we try to leave, may God send angels to bar the door,

No, love is not a fight...but it's something worth fighting for

~"Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield

2 Years

Some days, it seems like it couldn’t have possibly been two years ago.  On others, it seems like we’ve been his way forever. 



We’ve had our ups and downs.  We’ve dealt with a drafty rent house, bought a home together, and remodeled that home.  We’ve fought mice problems…and people problems.  We’ve served together, worked together, and grown together.  And now, we become parents together. 

All I can say is, it’s been the best two years of my life.  Every morning I get to wake up snuggled close to him is a gift.  Every day spent serving God together is bliss.  Every night that I drift off in his arms is pure heaven. 

 

He may not be perfect, but he’s my perfect match.  He’s the only man I’d follow to the ends of the earth and back. 


And he’s the one I want holding my hand 50 years from now.

I love you Andy Baker, and I always will.  I’m so glad it was you…

My Husband Thinks I’m…

It seems like there are two extremes as far as modesty goes.  On the one hand are those that go overboard and cover up every area of their body with a paper sack.  On the other hand are the women who go around flaunting their bodies and getting attention through skimpy clothing.

Now, modesty is important.  I believe how we dress and act should be a reflection of Him who lives within us.  But I don’t think wearing paper bags or revealing your body in public is an accurate reflection of Him.
So where do you stand?  Where do you draw the line on modesty?

As women, I believe that we don’t often set our standards where we should.  When I was graduating from high school, I had it in my head that the nice guys like I wanted to marry would like me better if I wore mostly skirts, did my hair like Pride and Prejudice, and wore very light makeup.  Why I thought this, I have no idea.  I guess it was from looking around at different families and what the wives and daughters in them wore. 
The funny thing is, my husband really likes when I wear jeans.  He likes dresses and skirts, but only when they’re cute…and don’t look like a prairie dress.  Actually, since we’ve gotten married, my “modesty line” has gotten a tad more lenient.  Not because I’m married and don’t have to worry about it anymore, but because Andy has communicated to me that he thought many things were fine.  In the past year and a half I’ve started wearing skirts that are just a little bit shorter, shorts that aren’t guy’s basketball shirts, and tank tops without a shrug.  I know, shocking right?  I’m not dressing skanky or overtly worldly…I’m just not dressing like Laura Ingall’s Wilder anymore.  Why?

I believe that when I think about what to wear, how to do my hair, and what make up to put on, I should always be thinking about my husband.  When I take the time to dress to please him and look cute, then I’m showing him how much I value him. 

Some days I still feel uncomfortable.  I’m always afraid of what people will think, and I definitely dress differently in certain settings.  But mostly I’m learning to just think about what my husband likes.  To me, it’s more important to look nice for my husband than to worry about what judgmental people will say. 

And before you get to thinking that my husband only likes “superficial” things, then let me clear that up.  It’s not true!  My husband thinks I’m beautiful without any makeup on and a messy bed-head.  And he doesn’t forget to tell me so.   Like I said, it’s more about showing him how much I value him, and my wanting him to be proud of me.  If you knew a certain meal was your hubby’s favorite, wouldn’t you want to cook it for him?  And isn’t he proud to show off that meal at the church potluck?  It’s not superficial, it’s being a good wife. 

So stop setting rules that have no grounds and start asking your hubby how he would like you to dress.  I can promise you, he doesn’t want a potato sack for a wife, and neither does he want a wife who shows off her body.  He wants a wife that takes the time to dress nice for him.  It’s like the wrapper on a box of chocolates. 
Just make sure there’s some chocolate under that wrapper. ;)

10 Things I Love About You

I grew up observing marriages.  Some couples seemed incredibly happy and other seemed very unhappy.  Almost always, their happiness was not related to the challenges in their life, but how they faced them.  Without fail, the couples that were unhappy did not seem happy when they were together.  These same couples were critical of their spouses and, quite frankly, not very nice to them.

At a very young age, I decided that when I got married, I wouldn’t be like that.  I was determined to prove that marriages don’t have to be unhappy struggles.  Yes, there are hard times, but they should be something to work through together…not something to fight each other about. 

With that in mind, I’m delighted to get to participate in Newlywed’s Bliss’ 10 Things I Love About You link-up.  How often do we get to brag on our spouses about the wonderful things they do, and the amazing people they are?  After all, it’s all about focusing on the good instead of the bad!

So go over, check it out, and link up.  It's gonna be great!

For my Andy:

1.) I love how you work incredibly hard outside of the home to provide for us, so I don’t have to.  I know that, no matter what, you will always provide for the needs of our family!

2.) I love that you’re so dedicated to getting your degree.  I’m so proud of all the hard work you put in!

3.) I love that you’re such an amazing handy-man.  You can build and fix anything, and if you don’t know how to do it, you learn how.  It’s so fun to get to show off all the amazing things you do in our home.

4.) I love the fact that you are an artist.  It makes you see the world differently than most, and you’re not afraid to be creative. 

5.) I love that you have such a heart for serving in the church.  Whether it be in the college Sunday school class, the media booth, or the nursery, you always put your whole heart into it.

6.) I love that you’re so giving with your money.  You certainly balance me out!

7.) I love that you’re so mature, and that you know when to be serious.  People trust you with things that they would normally on entrust to older men.  What an incredible honor!

8.) In the same token, I love that you’re also so fun loving and spontaneous.  I remember not too long after we were married, I was standing at the door being grouchy while you got ready to leave.  It happened to be pouring, and you just grabbed me and pulled me out under the gutter and kissed me.  At first I was so mad.  Quickly, however, my anger turned to laughter and a smile…all thanks to you!

9.) Your grandmother once told me that “still water runs deep” with you.  I love that about you.  You have such a depth of soul.  Although you may seem quiet and reserved on the outside, I know that you are really pondering something deep and long.  That’s just the way you are!

10.) I love that you are so devoted to God, and that you trust His plan no matter what.  Thank you for being such a great spiritual leader through your commitment to Christ!

Stay tuned for more next week!

Exciting New Places

I wanted to share something really special that is happening in my life right now.  As you know, I’m happily married to a wonderful guy.  And, as you also know, I love sharing tidbits and stories from our life and marriage in order to encourage others. 

For the last while a blogging friend, Emily from Scribbles from Emily, has been working on a new blog specifically geared for newlyweds, Newlyweds Bliss.  It’s going to be a great place for newlyweds to share about life, marriage, finances, home, intimacy, and so much more. 

And guess what?  It launches today!  This week there are going to be some great giveaways and introductions to celebrate the launch of this brand new blog.  I encourage you to check it out and share it with as many people as possible.  Do you know any newlyweds or soon-to-be-marrieds?  Then share this site with them!  And go over and check it out yourself…you just might win something!

I’m also excited to announce that I’m going to be one of the main contributors to the blog, along with Emily and Kelsey.  I’ll be posting there every Friday, so don’t forget to go over and check it out.
I’m incredibly excited to be a part of this team.  Sometimes it’s hard to balance the things that I am experiencing and have a heart for, and what you as my readers and “bloggersphere” friends will relate to.  Not everyone is a newlywed, after all!  That’s where Newlyweds Bliss comes in.  This site will be devoted specifically to newlyweds (and those that still feel like newlyweds).  Check it out today!

One Thousand Gifts: A Simple Cup of Tea

Yesterday afternoon I enjoyed a quiet moment in the midst of a busy life.  A fresh pot of loose-leaf Chai tea served in my blue china teacups, an open Bible, and a blank journal—these things do wonders to my soul.  Everything was still and quiet, and I was able to just talk to my Lord and let Him speak to me.  The day was chilly and sunny, and brown leaves covered the ground outside, but I had my seat at our big kitchen window.  And with a hot cup of tea and my Jesus, that was all I needed.

81. Precious nieces still safe in their mommy’s tummy.
82. Making a dinner my husband really enjoys (Chicken Fried Steak).  And I mean really.
83. Sweet hugs from kindergarteners two days in a row.
84. Slipping into a breezy summer dress after a long, hot day.
85. Wearing said dress on a spontaneous week-night date with my man.
86. Making dinner in my new kitchen for the first time.
87. More cabinet space that I need.
88. Brownies and biscuits perfectly baked in my newish oven.
89. A dishwasher that actually cleans dishes.
90. Enjoying tea and quiet time on a Sunday afternoon next to my sunny kitchen window.

One Thousand Gifts: A New Week

It’s early Monday morning, and I’ve just sent my husband off to work, got the animals all situated for the day, and am now preparing for a new week.  It’s a cold morning…one of those mornings where you just want to stay under the covers for a little bit longer.  But the sun is out for the first time in a few days, the trees on the hillside behind us are starting to turn to autumn hues, and the day holds so much promise.  And so, instead of staying under the covers, I am drawn out by a hot cup of tea and quiet time with my Savior before a full day starts.

Oh, what a gift this life I live is!  I love living in the beautiful and history-filled Ozarks.  I love not actually living in a neighborhood.  I love looking out my back window and seeing horses, cows, and donkeys in the field behind us.  I love having a big yard to plan out and beautify.  I love having a home to call our own. 
And so begins another week.  Another week to learn and grow in.  Another week to enjoy and find joy and beauty in.  Another life to live to the fullest for my Lord.   

71. Pinterest.  Yes, this is my new fun thing to play with. 
72. A fridge that’s finally in my kitchen (even if it’s not in the fridge spot).  Thank you old house with crooked walls that make my fridge just barely not fit!
73. Plenty of drawers and cabinets to organize and fill.
74. Finding my sewing machine presser foot after it being missing since we moved.
75. Working in the nursery with Andy, and watching him read a book to a little girl and a little boy.
76. A day off and visiting a friend in Conway.
77. Buying two dresses and a new blouse for $24.  Yes, that makes me happy!
78. Ice cream on the square with friends on a beautiful day.
79. Hearing of engagements and new babies on the way.
80. Learning to be confident in the life God has given me.

The Identity Question

As I’ve said before, my background has defined a lot of my beliefs and opinions.  But, I also have some very wise women pouring into my life, not the least of which is my mom.  After reading my blog post last week, she brought up the very important point that women today find their identity in what they do instead of who they are. 

Think about it.  When people ask you to tell them about yourself, what’s typically the first thing you say?  “Hi, I’m _______, and I’m a 1st grader teacher.”  So, our job defines us to the utmost.  But is that really the most important part about us?  Yes, it’s what we do to put food on the table, and it may even be something we love to do, but at the end of the day, it’s still a job. 

Many jobs have eternal significance.  An obvious one is pastors.  But other workers, such as teachers or musicians also have a huge influence on the eternal.  But shouldn’t we all, in some way, no matter what we do?  Should our job merely be a job to us, or should it be the means by which we meet people, spread the gospel, and minister to others?  Isn’t the gospel of Christ far more important than anything we could ever do in our jobs?

So, why do we let our jobs define us?  Have you ever met someone who said, “Hi, I’m ______, and I’m a follower of Jesus Christ”?  Probably not.  But shouldn’t that be what defines us the most?

Interestingly, we find our worth in our identity.  Because we hold a job, and perhaps work hard, we feel that we are worth something—that we matter.  I think that a lot of homemakers and stay-at-home moms are afraid to tell others what they do (the hardest, most important job of all!) because they feel that, because they have no job outside of the home, then they have no identity, and, therefore, no worth. 

Furthermore, I think there are a lot of women that feel they could never quit work and stay home with the kids because, somehow, they would lose their identity.  How does changing or quitting jobs in any way change who we are as a person and who we are in Christ?

I feel the pull often.  Right now I kind of float between a million different odd jobs, but no one career.  I get the looks and the pity, because I have no teaching job.  I even feel myself sometimes that my life must be meaningless because I have no full-time, important job.  I can’t tell people, “Hi, I’m Caitlin, and I’m a teacher” because I’m not!

But why should I be ashamed of that?  Truth be told, if I defined myself by what I do I would say, “Hi, I’m Caitlin, and I’m a homemaker, administrative assistant, substitute teacher, blogger, writer, and mystery shopper.”  I work hard everyday.  I don’t bring in a lot of money, but I don’t really need to.  My husband makes a good salary, we own a home, and we are fairly frugal.  I have enough flexibility in my schedule to take my dog for a walk in the afternoon, eat lunch with my husband, work on the house during the week, and have free time to help if someone needs me.  I love what I do each and every day. 

But still, I feel the pull.

Don’t we all feel the pull?  Don’t our days center around our “job”, our “identity”? 

Slowly, steadfastly, He is teaching me that my identity isn’t found in what I do in the big picture.  Instead, it’s found in who I am in Him, and what He calls me to do each day. 

Who am I really?  I’m Caitlin.  I’m passionately in love with my Savior.  I’m a helpmeet to my very best friend.  I’m a daughter of the Most High King.  He created me with a quiet soul and a passionate heart.  He loves me and made me beautiful.  He sent His only son to die for me.  He calls me His child.  He has a huge plan and purpose for my life, and He will lead me through it step-by-step. 

Who am I?  I am His.  My identity is not found in what I do, but who I am in Him. 

This life is not my own, but His.         

One Thousand Gifts: Spontaneity

Spontaneity.  That pretty much sums up my week in a nutshell.  For those of you who know me, I am not at all spontaneous.  But being married to Andy has changed that somewhat.  He pushes me out of my comfort zone a lot…which is really good for me!  And when I say spontaneous, I’m talking about, “Hey, it’s 10 p.m., but let’s pack up and go to North Carolina in the morning for a few days.”  And we did.
This week wasn’t quite that extreme, but we still did a few spur of the moment things.  Monday we ended up driving down to hike Pinnacle Mountain with some friends.  Who did we run into coming down but some friends from our church!  And then we drove back up the mountain, and Andy played cards with some guys while the girls went to the baby pageant at the fair.  (That was an interesting experience for someone who’s never been to one!)
We look somewhat dumb in this picture, but it was the only one I had. lol!

Beautiful view though!

Then, on Friday, we decided to go camping for a night down at Greers Ferry Lake.  We biked a little, had fun camping out, and then listened to rednecks come in on the boat ramp at 1 am.  Yeah, not very much sleep on our part. :)

Overall, the week was great.  Beautiful weather, no humidity, a great life…what more could I ask for?
51. Spontaneous hiking trips with good friends.
52. Being blessed by having some amazing young women in my life.
53. Almost being done with our kitchen remodel.
54. A new paint to cover the ugly grey-brown on the living room walls.
55. A spontaneous camping trip.
56. A refreshing afternoon walk on a clear, sunny day…perfect when everything seemed to be going wrong that day.
57. A fish fry in the park with good friends.
58. Baptisms at the creek.
59. A delicious supper cooked on the spur-of-the-moment.  Always good!
60. Dreaming about tomorrow with my very best friend.

What Living in the Boondocks Has Taught Me About Entitlement

I just wanted to say a few things in response to my article last week about entitlement and stay-at-home moms.  I got a few comments about making assumptions and pre-judging.  Let me be clear, I wasn’t intending to condemn anybody or point fingers.  I just wanted to put out some food for thoughts.  Yes, I believe what I write, but you may not agree with me in every area.  That’s okay!  I believe that thinking through and discussing what we believe is an incredibly important part of being firm in our beliefs.

That said, my sister-in-law brought up a good point on Facebook (you can only see her great insight if you’re friends with me on there, unfortunately).  She brought up the point that it seems that materialism and the feeling of entitlement is rampant across the board, not just involving moms.  I feel this too.  In fact, I see it in my own life.  Smartphones, blu-ray players, high speed internet, new clothes…all these things entice me as “necessities”.  Don’t we all feel their pull in some ways? I just wanted to bring up how this plays into our everyday lives…and many moms’ decision of whether to stay-at-home or not.

Maybe it’s the way I was raised.  Both my mom and my mother-in-law worked when their oldest kids were babies.  And both realized how much they were missing and made the big decision to quit work and stay home with their kids.  I was raised that way, and I value the sacrifices that my mom and dad made.  Many of my friends’ moms stayed at home too.

But my view about stay-at-home moms and entitlement comes from much more than that...especially since moving to the boondocks.  I was raised in a western university town of about 60,000.  People there liked to call it a “small town”, but now that I actually live in a small town, I know better.  No town is small if it has three McDonalds. :)

Growing up, and eventually going to college there, things were easily accessible.  Going to the movies on Friday night, the mall on Saturday, and Starbucks on Sunday afternoon were all very doable things.  And that’s what everybody did.  In college, I attended an on-campus Christian group.  Every week, they would encourage us “poor college students” to just give a dollar to the offering.  And then we’d all retire to Starbucks, buy $4 lattes, and talk until 3 am while wearing our brand new boots and jeans.  It was just the way things were.  These things were necessities, right?

And then I got married and moved to a tiny little town in rural Arkansas.  At first, it was quite shocking to find that we had to drive a minimum of 45 minutes to a movie theatre, and hour to bowling, and 2 hours to any real shopping.  There was no Starbucks, no Kohls, or nice Italian pizzeria.  Cell phone service, television, and internet were all limited.  And you know what?  I learned to make do!  I learned that I don’t need a Chai latte every week (and neither does my body), that I don’t have to see every new movie that comes out in theatres, and I don’t even have to have high-speed internet in the home.  Living in an area where you don’t have access to everything, you start to appreciate things a lot more.  Getting to drive to Little Rock and go to Olive Garden becomes a very special treat.  And that Chai latte is so refreshing the couple of times I year I get one now (although, surprisingly, not as good as I remember).
 
And yet, I believe that the the percentage of working moms here where I live is much higher than it was in liberal-saturated Flagstaff.  In fact, I can probably count the number of stay-at-home moms I know here on my fingers and have some left over.  I’ve even heard some of the working mothers claim that the stay-at-home moms are “lazy” because they aren’t working.  And yet, while there are a lot of poor people in my area, many of the working moms I see really don’t have to work.  They live in nice houses, drive nice cars, go on nice vacations, wear nice clothes, and get their hair done once a month.  They spend money on nice manicures, tanning beds, and eating out several times a week.  And all I can think is, “Why are they working?”  Yes, if they quit working they’d probably have to give up a lot of those things, but I think they’d be a lot happier.  They’d probably get more sleep, be less stressed, and have more time for their families.  The fact is that all these things we feel entitled to today won’t make us happy.   

As modern Americans, do we feel entitled to things?  You better believe it.  But maybe our lives would be a whole lot happier if we let go of all these things we feel entitled to, and just started living.  It’s a challenge I want to strive for.

1000 Gifts: When Plans Don’t Work Out

This week started out great, but pretty quickly all my to-do lists and plans went down the hill.  Thursday and Friday I was sick and got stuck all day watching The Waltons and I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (don’t ask…there’s definitely a limited amount of shows on during the day).  Thankfully, my sweet husband is an excellent caretaker.  I nearly went mad, though, and even had to miss my sister-in-law’s birthday dinner because I was still running a fever.  It’s during those times that I wonder if God’s trying to tell me something.  Maybe that I need to slow down and rest?

41. My grandparents celebrating an inspirational 58 years of marriage!
42. New opportunities and open doors.
43. Looking at baby stuff for my new nieces!
44. A husband who always takes good care of me when I’m sick.
45. A good book to read that came right when I needed it on Thursday.
46. Soft rain to water the ground.
47. A good laugh watching my dog and kitten playing together.
48. Working on the house together and finally getting to the countertops!
49. Letting go of plans and to-do lists when they don’t work out.
50. Looking forward to a Monday off to spend together and go on a date. :)