The Life Not My Own

Friday, December 9, 2011

My Husband Thinks I’m…

It seems like there are two extremes as far as modesty goes.  On the one hand are those that go overboard and cover up every area of their body with a paper sack.  On the other hand are the women who go around flaunting their bodies and getting attention through skimpy clothing.

Now, modesty is important.  I believe how we dress and act should be a reflection of Him who lives within us.  But I don’t think wearing paper bags or revealing your body in public is an accurate reflection of Him.
So where do you stand?  Where do you draw the line on modesty?

As women, I believe that we don’t often set our standards where we should.  When I was graduating from high school, I had it in my head that the nice guys like I wanted to marry would like me better if I wore mostly skirts, did my hair like Pride and Prejudice, and wore very light makeup.  Why I thought this, I have no idea.  I guess it was from looking around at different families and what the wives and daughters in them wore. 
The funny thing is, my husband really likes when I wear jeans.  He likes dresses and skirts, but only when they’re cute…and don’t look like a prairie dress.  Actually, since we’ve gotten married, my “modesty line” has gotten a tad more lenient.  Not because I’m married and don’t have to worry about it anymore, but because Andy has communicated to me that he thought many things were fine.  In the past year and a half I’ve started wearing skirts that are just a little bit shorter, shorts that aren’t guy’s basketball shirts, and tank tops without a shrug.  I know, shocking right?  I’m not dressing skanky or overtly worldly…I’m just not dressing like Laura Ingall’s Wilder anymore.  Why?

I believe that when I think about what to wear, how to do my hair, and what make up to put on, I should always be thinking about my husband.  When I take the time to dress to please him and look cute, then I’m showing him how much I value him. 

Some days I still feel uncomfortable.  I’m always afraid of what people will think, and I definitely dress differently in certain settings.  But mostly I’m learning to just think about what my husband likes.  To me, it’s more important to look nice for my husband than to worry about what judgmental people will say. 

And before you get to thinking that my husband only likes “superficial” things, then let me clear that up.  It’s not true!  My husband thinks I’m beautiful without any makeup on and a messy bed-head.  And he doesn’t forget to tell me so.   Like I said, it’s more about showing him how much I value him, and my wanting him to be proud of me.  If you knew a certain meal was your hubby’s favorite, wouldn’t you want to cook it for him?  And isn’t he proud to show off that meal at the church potluck?  It’s not superficial, it’s being a good wife. 

So stop setting rules that have no grounds and start asking your hubby how he would like you to dress.  I can promise you, he doesn’t want a potato sack for a wife, and neither does he want a wife who shows off her body.  He wants a wife that takes the time to dress nice for him.  It’s like the wrapper on a box of chocolates. 
Just make sure there’s some chocolate under that wrapper. ;)

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10 Comments:

  • At December 9, 2011 at 8:44 AM , Blogger LeAnna said...

    Oh, this is SO good! My husband of 5 1/2 years would also heartily "amen!" this post, too. There is not a single man (well, I hope anyway!) who doesn't enjoy feasting his eyes upon his wife. I think you articulated this so well. It's not a matter of superficiality at all. There are days I barely make it out of my pj's, and I know my husband loves me on those days just as much as the days I dress up. What I love about my husband is that he will be the first to tell me if he feels something is immodest. And I trust him on it. Doesn't mean I have to run every piece of clothing by him, but we work together as a team and "modesty" has never been an issue. There's safety in the covering of a spirit-led husband. GREAT post!!

     
  • At December 9, 2011 at 9:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hi Caitlin, my name is Alison. I haven't commented on your blog before, and I only recently discovered it. I usually really enjoy your posts, but I don't really understand this one...maybe it's because I'm not married. I thought that my modesty standards should come from God and what I think/feel is pleasing to Him. I was just wondering what is wrong with wearing mostly skirts, doing your hair like Pride and Prejudice, and wearing very light makeup? Skirts are modest and feminine, Pride and Prejudice hairstyles can be a lot of fun to do, and I've always been taught that less is more as far as makeup goes. Please know that I am not trying to argue with you, nor am I disrespecting you or judging you...I would just like to understand what you are saying better. Thanks!
    Blessings,
    Alison

     
  • At December 11, 2011 at 12:14 AM , Anonymous Viviene said...

    I never really asked my husband how i shoul dress. I guess I should! Thanks for this post!

     
  • At December 12, 2011 at 9:34 AM , Blogger Caitlin said...

    You're right, LeAnna...our men like looking at their women, and rightly so. My husband loves me whatever I wear, but it's so much more fun getting ready in the morning when I know I'm wearing something he really likes!

     
  • At December 12, 2011 at 9:46 AM , Blogger Caitlin said...

    Hi Alison! Thanks for your questions and comments!

    First, you're right, our modesty standards should come from God. When you get married, however, you and your husband have to "merge" your standards, so-to-speak. If your man is seeking God's leading as well, it won't be hard. If you feel strongly convicted about a certain piece of clothing, and he doesn't, then he should respect your convictions. In the same token, if he feels that something you are wearing isn't modest, you shouldn't wear it, even if you don't feel the same way.

    However, what I found a lot was that my "standards" weren't based on God so much as they were on my own man-made rules. I looked around and saw what other Conservative women were wearing, and thought that's what I should wear. Thus, when my husband expressed that he thought certain sweaters I had looked "granny-ish" and were overkill, it wasn't so much going against my convictions as it was my own man-made rules. Does that make sense?

    Finally, there's NOTHING wrong with wearing skirts, wearing your hair like P&P, or wearing light makeup. It's just that when you get married you have to think about what your husband prefers. I'm sure you've heard before that men are visual, and as a wife it's your job to please your husband visually. My husband actually likes my hair up (like P&P), and he likes when I wear skirts. It's just that he doesn't like some of the skirts I was used to wearing. He thought they were too old-ladyish. Your man doesn't want a granny for a wife, just as he doesn't want someone who dressed immodestly. He wants a wife who's attractive and cute to him! My husband, despite growing up in Conservative homeschool circles, also thinks that jeans are modest and feminine, depending on how they are worn.

    As far as the makeup goes, I think it depends on the person. If I go without mascara, for instance, I usually look like a little girl. My sister, on the other hand, looks great. You don't want to look like you have a mask, but it's not wrong to enhance your beauty. My husband feels special when I take the time to put on makeup for him.

    As an unmarried girl, I'd tell you what I tell my sisters...dress according to your convictions and dress nicely (like you put a little time on what you wore). Once you get married, it's a whole new ballgame.

     
  • At December 12, 2011 at 9:47 AM , Blogger Caitlin said...

    Viviene, this is really something that's been on my heart lately. Like LeAnna, I don't ask my husband about everything. It's just that when he expresses a certain preference or desire (which truly isn't often), I've been striving to meet it better.

     
  • At December 12, 2011 at 2:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thanks for taking the time to clarify, Caitlin!
    I appreciate it! :)
    ~Alison

     
  • At December 14, 2011 at 6:53 PM , Anonymous viviene said...

    http://journeyofawoman.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/wearing-this/

    Shared your post in my blog =)

     
  • At January 23, 2015 at 7:37 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Oh my god, I can't believe what I read here. This is clothing, rags, a basic necessity. Not your husband's necessity! Long skirts do not mean granny, what a ridiculous statement and so immature at that. So for thousands of years women covering their legs meant it was granny?The poor granny. One day you will be a granny and say Hey they talking about me!

     
  • At February 6, 2015 at 3:48 PM , Blogger Caitlin Baker said...

    Haha! I'm not sure how you found this post...it's definitely older! Clothing is by no means a necessity to my husband. If anything, my husband freed me to be myself and dress according to my convictions and tastes, instead of some line set by uber-Conservative legalists. I'm sure I will be feeling like that as a granny someday...I just don't see a reason to dress like one when I'm in my twenties. ;)

     

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