The Life Not My Own

Monday, June 24, 2013

Feeling 22

I've never been a big Taylor Swift fan, but there was a day that I could sing "Picture to Burn" with all the bitter venom of the next girl.  Her songs were, quite simply, relatable.

When I first heard her newest song, 22, I thought it was catchy.  It was teenage angst moved into the next generation...the anthem of the single twenty-somethings stuck somewhere between the free-from-responsibility life of college and adulthood.  Sounded good.

And then I realized that I was 22 when my son was born.  For me, twenty-two didn't mean making fun of my exes or falling in love with strangers.  I wasn't "happy, free, confused, and lonely".

I realize I wasn't exactly the typical twenty-two year old.  I had been married two years, had a college degree, a mortgage, two dogs, and a baby on the way.

To some that may sound terribly sad.  They may feel like I wasted my years of freedom and tied myself down too early.  In many ways, they're right.  I never studied abroad, worked my way up the career ladder, or spent a year on the mission field.  Twenty-two, for me, didn't look like twenty-two for the rest of the world.

And that's okay.  

You see, twenty-two looks like something different for everyone, simply because God has different paths for all of us.  For me, His path was getting married and starting a family young.  It didn't include years of singleness and crazy experiences.

But lest you start feeling sorry for me, I want you to know that I really am a happy twenty-something.  I love feeling young and carefree and trying new things.  I'm blessed to have a husband who works hard to support us, so that I can have the time to both take care of my handsome little guy and pursue all sorts of interests in my free time.  Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I feel happier and freer than I ever have.  I know I'm right where God wants me.  I dream, and I see those dreams realized.  My days are simple, but incredibly rich and full.  My husband and I go on lots of crazy adventures...just with a baby in tow.

Yes, I'm a mom and a wife.  But I am not in bondage.  You see, true joy and freedom can only be found when you are right in the center of God's plan for you.  And that's where I am.

As crazy as it sounds, it's possible to embrace both the responsibility and carefree spirit of being twenty-two.  I know, I've lived it.

And so I embrace who I am today.

I am a wife and a mom.  But I'm also twenty-something.


Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


It’s 7:30 in the morning on Father’s Day.  We were hoping to catch a few extra minutes of sleep, but Miles has decided it’s time to get up.  He spots Andy, who has been gone for a few days, and reaches for him.  He climbs over me, smiling and giggling, trying desperately to reach his daddy and poke him in the face.  There is no doubt about it…he loves his Papa.

Despite being exhausted, Andy is happy to wake up and see his boy.  He gets dressed and asks Miles if he wants to get some donuts.  So off my boys go, leaving me to get ready alone.  No sleeping in.  No breakfast in bed.  To my husband, Father’s Day means just that…being a father.

It’s hard to believe that a year ago Miles was still just a baby in my tummy, growing and kicking, but not yet fully invading our lives.  Now he’s a happy, active ten-month old who enjoys splashing in the toilet, climbing on everything, and munching on avocado.  Andy and I can’t remember what we did with our time before Miles was born.  Yes, Miles has completely invaded our lives and turned them upside down.

Surprisingly enough, however, my man has not only taken all this changing in stride…he embraces it and loves every minute.  Andy adores his little man, despite the giant poops, frequent night wakings, and never getting a moment’s peace.  He loves showing Miles things and taking him places.  He loves watching him grow and learn.  And Miles?  Well, he just adores his Papa too. 

Sometimes I like to just sit in the other room, listening to my boys giggle as Andy reads Miles his Elmo book.  Or watch them play “Don’t Wake the Grizzly Bear (aka, Papa)”.  Or watch as Miles reaches for his daddy, then lays his head on his big, strong chest.  Miles knows that he is always safe with Papa.  Always loved, always protected, always cared for. 

I’m so thankful for this man of mine, who doesn’t see fatherhood as the end of his life.  Instead, he sees it as a wonderful gift and blessing, to cherish and treasure.  Miles doesn’t know it, but he is a very lucky little boy.

Happy belated Father’s Day, Andy!!!

2012-08-13_12-28-29_655 Papa and his 9-day-old son napping