Being Mama

I talk about my son a lot.  He is, after all, pretty much my life.  Sometimes, however, I feel a hesitancy to talk too much about him, or about the blessing that being a mom is.
I have so many friends and relatives who have struggled with infertility or losing babies.  I know women whose hearts ache everyday for the child they were never blessed with.  In a way, I am hesitant to talk freely about motherhood because I don’t want to make their pain or their loss worse.  I don’t want to rub it in their faces that I have a beautiful, healthy son when they don’t. 
I cannot imagine the heartache that these women go through.  Losing my son is one of the greatest fears I’ve ever experienced.  Yet, at the same time, it does these beautiful, hurting women no service to not talk about my son, or portray motherhood in a negative light.  Complaining about our children or not appreciating the incredible blessing that each child is only deepens their pain.  They cannot help but wonder why a woman who is so negative on children and motherhood was blessed with a child and they were not. 
So, today, I’m sharing about the blessings of motherhood. 
It’s hard to believe that tomorrow my beautiful Miles Patrick will be one year old.  You’ve heard it before, but time really does fly…and they grow so very fast.  Each morning they seem to wake up older and smarter and more capable. 
This past year has been quite the change for me.  My days now revolve around diaper changes and nursing, nap times and story times, bouncing and holding and rocking.  Simple things, really.  And yet my days are so full and rich and deep. 
To be needed is to feel purpose, and that is something that I feel every moment of the day.  I feel it every time he wakes up from a nap, rubs his sleepy eyes, smiles, and reaches for me.  I feel it every time I nurse him with the wholesome, fatty milk that God provided just for him.  I feel it when he lays his head on my shoulder and picks at the mole on my chest.  I feel it when I’m going to the bathroom and he bangs on the door yelling “Ma Ma Ma” until I finally emerge.  I feel it every minute and every second.  I am needed.  I am wanted.  I am cherished.  I am loved.
And the love I feel for my little man child?  It’s hard to even describe.  It’s like there’s a hole in my heart that I never knew I had, made perfectly for him to fit into.  I would do anything for him.  I would lay my own life down for him in a heartbeat. 
Isn’t that the miracle of being a parent?  Your life was perfect and complete before this demanding little person came into your life, and now you cannot imagine your life without them.  You wouldn’t want to.  Because, as much as they need you, you need them.  You need their love and admiration.  You need the purpose they give you.  You need to feel the responsibility of this helpless little child being wholly depend on you. 
Having a child of your very own completely changes how you view and relate to God.  The despair and agony of giving up your only son is real and unthinkable.  You are all the more grateful and thankful for God’s great love and mercy unto you.  
Being Miles’ mother has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.  I cherish each moment that I get to spend with him.  I watch in wonder and awe as he grows and explores and learns.  Each time he wraps his little arms around my neck, or gives me a big open mouth “kiss”, I feel the distinct longing to stop time.  If only there was a way to capture each moment and bottle it up…to always have with me.  But there isn’t.  The moment passes and becomes a mere memory.  Yet, no sweeter memories have I ever known than those involving my son. 
I love being a mother, but most of all I love being Miles’ mother.  May I never take the incredible miracle and blessing that he is for granted.  May I never get so caught up in the day-to-day tasks and chores of life that I miss out on time spent with him.  May I never forget to be thankful for the simple, little gifts that make being a mama such an amazing blessing. 
Every day that I wake up I am thankful…because every day that I wake up I get to be Miles’ mama.